My first Valentine’s memory was from when I was about 5 years old. I had my first major crush on a boy named Dylan and that wonderful day he gave me a Garfield Valentine’s card. Yeah, my name was spelled wrong…and yeah, everyone in the class got the same card (Garfield passed out in spaghetti or something) but I thought for sure this Valentine meant he liked me. I decided I had to do something to show him that I liked him back. So that day at recess, I marched my little ass straight up to the pumpkin playhouse and serenaded him with my own rendition of Wilson Phillips hit “Hold On.” First off, I was 5 and had no idea what I was singing about. All I knew was that I loved that song and knew all the words. Second, I can’t sing for shit, so I should not have been surprised when Dylan, the love of my life that day, burst into tears and ran and told the teacher I was being mean. I was mortified and needless to say, pretty confused. I mean didn’t a Garfield Valentine mean he liked me?! And hello! Didn’t everyone love Wilson Phillips?! My 5 year old heart was crushed and to make things worse I had to sit on the bench for the rest of recess and think about my lost love.
Dylan never played with me again and I am pretty sure I saw a genuine look of fear in his eyes whenever he was around me. That was the last time I ever serenaded a guy but have no fear, I am still reading the Garfield cards all wrong. Karma.